I'm sitting here tonight in a silent house. Both you and your Papa are sound asleep. The only sounds are the sound of the dishwasher and the air of the video monitor that is sitting beside me.
You are snuggled so cozy in your bed. You were so tired tonight. You refused to have a nap for your Papa while I was at work today even though you were up earlier than usual this morning and needed one. You were so excited to be going over to your Great Baba's house for a couple hours this afternoon while Papa and I were at work, that you just couldn't sleep.
I'm sitting here at the computer with tears in my eyes. There are so many feelings that I want to write down, to record for you, but my thoughts are just one huge jumble. I don't know which one to record first, and how to fully articulate others. I just don't know where to start.
I think about you, and all that you do now. You are so independent, and yet such a Mama's girl all at the same time. You are so outgoing and bubbly, and yet shy and introverted as well. You are so goofy and silly and yet so serious too. Everyday you surprise us with something new that you do or say. Sometimes it's like a 13 year old is talking to us and not a toddler.
You are so grown up now. You can get dressed all on your own, and love to choose your own clothes. You are potty trained during the day, and sleep in a big girl bed. Almost all the "baby" things have left this house. Instead you have your own babies. All of their names are Baby, you won't give them a name of their own. As sad as I am to see all the baby stuff leave the house I continue to be amazed by you and the amazing person you are becoming.
You love helping me with everything I do around the house, from cooking and the laundry, to vacuuming the carpet and making the beds. You are always right by my side wanting to help. Most of the time it means that particular job will then take even longer, but I love to see how excited you get to help me do something completely mundane like moving wet socks and towels from the washing machine to the dryer.
A lot of the time as I'm watching you I pray for a pause button. I've always said that I would never wish for a stop button, but I wish some days that I could slow time just a little bit. I wish I could stay in that moment for just a little bit longer with you. I've joked with people a lot lately that time has passed so quickly, that somehow I blinked and you went from this tiny little squish in my arms to this big girl.
Tonight when I put you to bed, I put to bed a two year old. Tomorrow when you wake up, probably a little too early for me, chanting "Maaaaama, Maaaaaama" from your bed you will be a three year old.
When I go up to sleep tonight I will slowly creep into your bedroom to check on your like I do every night. I will cover you up if you have kicked off your blankets, and just stare at you resisting the urge to pick you up. Which is ironic because just hours ago I was tip toeing down the stairs praying to God you would fall asleep quickly.
Sleep tight my little one. Who knows what new adventures life has in store for us tomorrow.
Love,
Mama
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
Monday, March 3, 2014
Loss
It has been a rough two years.
Just over two years ago my Memere passed. I think my mom best described her when she said that God broke the mold when he created her. She was one of the most loving, giving, warm people you would ever meet. Her greatest loves were her husband and her family. She didn't speak a lot of English, and unfortunately we never spoke a lot of French, but we found a way to communicate regardless. Even with the language barrier, we never doubted that she loved us, and we still loved her.
Just one year ago we had another loss. This time on my mothers side of the family. Our cousin Leslie passed suddenly while on vacation. We were all in shock when we got the news. Leslie was always the life of the party. You were always greeted with her infectious laughter and a warm hug. It's still hard to believe that she is no longer with us, even a year later.
Today we unfortunately had to say good bye to someone else. Another sudden death. Another loss that we're still struggling to understand. It's one of those situations when you just can't understand it because we just saw her. Two weeks ago she was just having tea and chatting with one of her friends. A week later, gone. Today we said good bye to my Step-Grandmother, Joan.
Let me start by saying I hate the term Step-Grandmother. I feel that when people asked who passed and I said the word "Step" that they almost stopped listening, or didn't care as much. People hear that word and for some there is a negative connotation. Instead of someone saying "I'm so sorry" They said "Oh", or worse yet, nothing.
Joan has been a part of my and my sisters lives as long as we can remember. We can't remember a time when she wasn't with my grandfather. There was a never a time when we can't remember her not being there. She was the type of person that when you went to visit her and my Poppy she was always up and about. She never sat down until everyone else had their food, and was taken care of. She was always taking care of everyone else, and her cat. She loved her cat.
Today her daughter Dorothy gave her Eulogy. I don't know how she managed to hold it together long enough but she did, and she did an amazing job. It was great listening to stories about when her children were younger, stories we had never heard before. She shared one story about when her and her brothers were just children. Joan had found an abandoned lab. She nursed him back to health and then posted that she had found a dog so the owner could claim him. No one did. They lived in a small apartment that didn't allow pets. So what did Joan do? She bought a house. It makes me smile whenever I think of that story because that was so her. She was always giving and thinking of others.
Today we said good bye to my Grandmother Joan. She was loved and she will be missed.
Just over two years ago my Memere passed. I think my mom best described her when she said that God broke the mold when he created her. She was one of the most loving, giving, warm people you would ever meet. Her greatest loves were her husband and her family. She didn't speak a lot of English, and unfortunately we never spoke a lot of French, but we found a way to communicate regardless. Even with the language barrier, we never doubted that she loved us, and we still loved her.
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| Andre and I with Memere and Pepere. |
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| Ron, Leslie with Kevin and Rose |
Let me start by saying I hate the term Step-Grandmother. I feel that when people asked who passed and I said the word "Step" that they almost stopped listening, or didn't care as much. People hear that word and for some there is a negative connotation. Instead of someone saying "I'm so sorry" They said "Oh", or worse yet, nothing.
Joan has been a part of my and my sisters lives as long as we can remember. We can't remember a time when she wasn't with my grandfather. There was a never a time when we can't remember her not being there. She was the type of person that when you went to visit her and my Poppy she was always up and about. She never sat down until everyone else had their food, and was taken care of. She was always taking care of everyone else, and her cat. She loved her cat.
Today her daughter Dorothy gave her Eulogy. I don't know how she managed to hold it together long enough but she did, and she did an amazing job. It was great listening to stories about when her children were younger, stories we had never heard before. She shared one story about when her and her brothers were just children. Joan had found an abandoned lab. She nursed him back to health and then posted that she had found a dog so the owner could claim him. No one did. They lived in a small apartment that didn't allow pets. So what did Joan do? She bought a house. It makes me smile whenever I think of that story because that was so her. She was always giving and thinking of others.
Today we said good bye to my Grandmother Joan. She was loved and she will be missed.
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| Joan when she met Emilie for the first time. |
Saturday, February 22, 2014
"Mama, I still your baby"
This has been something Emilie has been saying a lot lately. It's almost like the more she asserts her independence and becomes more like a big girl she needs to reassure both of us that she is still my baby.
My little big girl will be three years old in just two weeks. THREE years old!! Where did the time go? Where is my pause button?
About a month after her second birthday she decided enough was enough with the cloth diapers and wanted to wear her big girl underwear. That went great and she basically potty trained herself in one day. To be honest I miss the diapers. I never minded the two extra loads of laundry a week and always thought her fluffy little bum was so adorable. Not to mention it helped to keep Emilie's pants from falling down! I loved seeing all the bright colours and designs drying on the clothesline in the summer, and I loved that I could reuse them and not have to throw them out. It kills me every time I have to buy yet another box of Dora Easy Ups for Emilie to wear overnight. She will only wear disposables now since her cloth diapers are too thick for her now that she's used to underwear.
Over the last few months nap time has become less and less. "Mama, I no need a nap" and "Mama, I just sit on my bed. I not tired." are things I hear on an almost daily basis. Those rare days when she does nap are a special treat for Andre and I.
On New Years Day we converted Emilie's crib to a toddler bed. The potty training had lead to what we referred to as "Poop Emergencies". All I will say was there was poopy pull ups being hurled out of the crib. I will leave the rest to your imaginations. After the first incident we started talking to her about changing her crib to a big girl bed. After the third emergency I took the front off. Surprisingly Emilie was all for it. She offered to get the screwdriver and hammer and help! From the first night she was excellent in what she now refers to as her "big girl crib". She will occasionally get out of her bed to play when she should be sleeping, but overall the transition has been great. Much better than we expected.
With all of these new firsts have come regressions. Some days she will speak in baby talk instead of using her big girl words. Others she wants to be with me everywhere I go. She will have weeks where instead of getting out of her big girl crib to use her little potty during nap time she will go in her pull up instead. Most of all this has meant cuddles. Lots and lots of cuddles. I guess every stage has a silver lining right?
Some days these regressions are hard, and add another struggle to our routine. Others I'm more than happy to put down whatever I'm doing and cuddle with my little girl.
My little big girl will be three years old in just two weeks. THREE years old!! Where did the time go? Where is my pause button?
About a month after her second birthday she decided enough was enough with the cloth diapers and wanted to wear her big girl underwear. That went great and she basically potty trained herself in one day. To be honest I miss the diapers. I never minded the two extra loads of laundry a week and always thought her fluffy little bum was so adorable. Not to mention it helped to keep Emilie's pants from falling down! I loved seeing all the bright colours and designs drying on the clothesline in the summer, and I loved that I could reuse them and not have to throw them out. It kills me every time I have to buy yet another box of Dora Easy Ups for Emilie to wear overnight. She will only wear disposables now since her cloth diapers are too thick for her now that she's used to underwear.
Over the last few months nap time has become less and less. "Mama, I no need a nap" and "Mama, I just sit on my bed. I not tired." are things I hear on an almost daily basis. Those rare days when she does nap are a special treat for Andre and I.
On New Years Day we converted Emilie's crib to a toddler bed. The potty training had lead to what we referred to as "Poop Emergencies". All I will say was there was poopy pull ups being hurled out of the crib. I will leave the rest to your imaginations. After the first incident we started talking to her about changing her crib to a big girl bed. After the third emergency I took the front off. Surprisingly Emilie was all for it. She offered to get the screwdriver and hammer and help! From the first night she was excellent in what she now refers to as her "big girl crib". She will occasionally get out of her bed to play when she should be sleeping, but overall the transition has been great. Much better than we expected.
With all of these new firsts have come regressions. Some days she will speak in baby talk instead of using her big girl words. Others she wants to be with me everywhere I go. She will have weeks where instead of getting out of her big girl crib to use her little potty during nap time she will go in her pull up instead. Most of all this has meant cuddles. Lots and lots of cuddles. I guess every stage has a silver lining right?
Some days these regressions are hard, and add another struggle to our routine. Others I'm more than happy to put down whatever I'm doing and cuddle with my little girl.
Saturday, January 18, 2014
Christmas 2013 Recap
Ever since Andre and I started dating all the way back in 2003 Christmas has always seemed like a little bit of a juggling act. Balancing the Us with Them. I remember our first Christmas which seemed like a race versus a celebration. A feat of time management and making sure that we made sure to visit everyone, making them happy and pushing us to the side. I was miserable that year. All I remember was visiting from beginning to end, and sitting in the car.
Since that year I have been trying to find more of a balance. Making sure that our family unit had time to develop our own memories and traditions, while still making sure that we take time to visit and create memories with our extended families. I think every year we're getting closer and closer, and this past year when looking back I think of the travelling and visiting, but also the fun, excitement, and quiet moments we were able to spend as a family of three at home together.
So here is a recap of Christmas 2013!
The last few years Andre's parents have preferred not to travel, not that I can blame them both being over 80! So that means that on Christmas Eve we go up to visit and celebrate with them. The last two years we have gone up in the mid afternoon and had dinner together, but this year we decided to do lunch instead so we would have more time for visiting, and not have to rush out the door so we could get Emilie to bed at a reasonable hour.
I don't know about Andre, but I liked this MUCH better!
I wish that this one was clearer, but I'm still learning how to use my DSLR, and Emilie moves too much. She had gotten a box set of Dora videos from her Nana and Grandpa and she loved them so much. She started chanting "Dora, Dora!" which sounds more like "Dara, Dara!" and running around.
We had an early dinner/late lunch with Andre's parents, did some visiting and then were on our way home. To tell you the truth I was so excited to be at home on Christmas Eve evening. We've never had a relaxing evening at home on Christmas Eve just the three of us. It's always the rush out the door to get our cranky, overtired toddler home to bed.
One tradition that we started this year was to let Emilie open one Christmas gift on Christmas Eve. We wrapped up a new movie, Christmas pj's and a new cozy blanket for her and this was the gift she unwrapped. She loved her new Santa jammies and immediately stripped off her clothes so she could change. I had figured she would do this so I had washed everything before wrapping it up.
That night the three of us just snuggled together and watched Bubble Guppies before she went to bed. It was the perfect thing before all the toy assembling "fun" began!
Christmas morning we slept in until around 7:30 which was great because Andre and I were so tired after wrapping some last minute gifts. Emilie loved going through her stocking and playing with her new Princesses in their castle.
There had been one gift that Andre and I were so excited to get her. Emilie has been obsessed with her infant car seat for months. It had been in storage in our basement, but Emilie would see it and want it upstairs so her babies could go "shopping" so it would end up in our living room, and our living room is not that big. It would drive Andre and I banana's so we decided to get her a baby car seat made just for her babies.
It even comes complete with a three point harness so her babies can be buckled up and safe just like Emilie is in her own car seat. For $12 this was one of the cheapest gifts that we purchased and one of her favourites. Another favourite was a $10 Aquadoodle accessory kit that she plays with several times a week. Sometimes you don't have to break the bank to make your toddler happy.
We had some breakfast at home and then it was off to my parents house to open even more gifts and see what Santa had left at their house.
My mom always makes bacon and eggs for breakfast on Christmas morning so Emilie decided that she needed some more food!
Our afternoon was pretty quiet since Emilie decided to give Andre and I a Christmas gift and actually have a good nap that afternoon. It was such a treat to shower and get ready all on my own without my little helper.
We always have Christmas dinner at my parents house and this year was no exception. Emilie looked so pretty in her little jumper. She had nicknamed it her "Christmas dress" and she looked so cute it in.
True to form Emilie crashed around 6:30 and we came home and put her to bed. I think two days in a row of gifts and visiting is our little girls maximum and she let us know!
Andre and I left everything in the living room that night and just sat back and watched a holiday movie that night. It was a great way to end a chaotic day!
Since that year I have been trying to find more of a balance. Making sure that our family unit had time to develop our own memories and traditions, while still making sure that we take time to visit and create memories with our extended families. I think every year we're getting closer and closer, and this past year when looking back I think of the travelling and visiting, but also the fun, excitement, and quiet moments we were able to spend as a family of three at home together.
So here is a recap of Christmas 2013!
The last few years Andre's parents have preferred not to travel, not that I can blame them both being over 80! So that means that on Christmas Eve we go up to visit and celebrate with them. The last two years we have gone up in the mid afternoon and had dinner together, but this year we decided to do lunch instead so we would have more time for visiting, and not have to rush out the door so we could get Emilie to bed at a reasonable hour.
I don't know about Andre, but I liked this MUCH better!
We had an early dinner/late lunch with Andre's parents, did some visiting and then were on our way home. To tell you the truth I was so excited to be at home on Christmas Eve evening. We've never had a relaxing evening at home on Christmas Eve just the three of us. It's always the rush out the door to get our cranky, overtired toddler home to bed.
One tradition that we started this year was to let Emilie open one Christmas gift on Christmas Eve. We wrapped up a new movie, Christmas pj's and a new cozy blanket for her and this was the gift she unwrapped. She loved her new Santa jammies and immediately stripped off her clothes so she could change. I had figured she would do this so I had washed everything before wrapping it up.
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| Emilie decided Santa needed some candies as well as chocolate cookies. |
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| Santa came! |
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| Our tree all ready for Christmas morning. |
There had been one gift that Andre and I were so excited to get her. Emilie has been obsessed with her infant car seat for months. It had been in storage in our basement, but Emilie would see it and want it upstairs so her babies could go "shopping" so it would end up in our living room, and our living room is not that big. It would drive Andre and I banana's so we decided to get her a baby car seat made just for her babies.
It even comes complete with a three point harness so her babies can be buckled up and safe just like Emilie is in her own car seat. For $12 this was one of the cheapest gifts that we purchased and one of her favourites. Another favourite was a $10 Aquadoodle accessory kit that she plays with several times a week. Sometimes you don't have to break the bank to make your toddler happy.
We had some breakfast at home and then it was off to my parents house to open even more gifts and see what Santa had left at their house.
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| Enjoying her new Dara chair that Santa brought while checking out her stocking. |
My mom always makes bacon and eggs for breakfast on Christmas morning so Emilie decided that she needed some more food!
Our afternoon was pretty quiet since Emilie decided to give Andre and I a Christmas gift and actually have a good nap that afternoon. It was such a treat to shower and get ready all on my own without my little helper.
We always have Christmas dinner at my parents house and this year was no exception. Emilie looked so pretty in her little jumper. She had nicknamed it her "Christmas dress" and she looked so cute it in.
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| Emilie and her Pepere before dinner. |
True to form Emilie crashed around 6:30 and we came home and put her to bed. I think two days in a row of gifts and visiting is our little girls maximum and she let us know!
Andre and I left everything in the living room that night and just sat back and watched a holiday movie that night. It was a great way to end a chaotic day!
Thursday, January 16, 2014
Winter at home activities and December Kiwi Crate review
Quite recently we had a cold snap. Not as cold as some places in Canada (as us Ontarians were reminded over and over) but cold for us. For us this meant that if we didn't have to leave our nice warm house we just didn't. This also meant that on my day off I had to think of what I was going to do to keep little Miss Emilie and myself occupied for the entire day. Not so bad when she was consistently napping for at least an hour and half to two hours every afternoon, but harder on those more frequent days when she decides she doesn't need a nap (hahahaha).
It was so cold here (-40 with the windchill) that the condensation on the inside of our windows FROZE. Craziness.
This particularly arctic day just happened to be a day that Andre wasn't home during this split shift at work so it was just Emilie and I for the day. I decided that we would bake some cookies in the morning. I had done some cleaning and purging of our cupboards the week before and discovered a dry cookie mix that needed to be used up before it expired, so I thought Emilie and I could bake some cookies. She loves to help me bake, so she loved this activity.
Later that afternoon after her hour of calling for me repeatedly while telling me she's not tired nap, I decided to bust out December's Kiwi Crate. After talking to a friend about how she liked Kiwi Crate with her kids, I decided to bite the bullet and get a 6 month subscription for Emilie back in October. We have loved it so far, but this month proved to be a little "old" for Emilie. I knew that this was bound to happen since all of the activities are for ages 3+, but we had lucked out with the previous two boxes.
The theme of this month was "Polar Expedition". For anyone that has never heard of Kiwi Crate before it is a subscription box that is delivered to your home every month filled with 2 crafts with a theme every month. All of the crafts come with everything that you need. You do not need to purchase anything. I love this since I get to do something fun with Emilie but do not need to think of anything!
The first activity in the box was a ball toss game. Emilie wanted nothing to do with sewing up the mittens even though she had been getting some practice with her animal boards lately. So I ended up doing this. She did love putting all the velcro dots on the ball and making up the little "paws" on the mittens. This activity was definitely more Emilie friendly and she still plays with this almost two weeks later.
The second activity in the box was homemade window clings. I had received an e-mail from Kiwi Crate before getting the box in the mail so I knew that some other users had some issues with the materials for this craft. Even after being prepared with paper clips to unclog the paint and kneading the paint and glue before using them, the paint was still clogging repeatedly, and at one point the top popped off and paint went everywhere. I was not impressed. We did end up getting two clings complete though, one together, and one that I made on my own.
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| OURS |
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| MINE |
Two out of the last three boxes have come with a little "bonus" activity along with some ideas in their monthly magazine. This month was a little snowflake cookie cutter that she loves to use with her play dough.
Overall Decembers box was not my favourite, but Emilie still had a lot of fun working with all of the different materials and it was nice to have some new activities to do while we were home bound. I can't wait to see what surprises will be in our January box!
If you are thinking of making an order, you are welcome to use my referral code for $10 off your order:
http://www.kiwicrate.com/Refer?i=JennaM7
Saturday, January 4, 2014
New Year, New(ish) Projects!
With the beginning of a new year comes the motivation to get things done, a sense of I CAN DO IT. If you're anything like me, that quickly passes, you don't get anything done, and then six months later you kick yourself for not crossing anything off that ever growing to-do list.
Every year I promise myself that this new year will be different, and then a friend shared a link for another blog, Apartment Therapy . They are doing what they call "The January Cure". Basically every day during the month of January she assigns a project to complete to get the ball rolling on all those things that you were meaning to tackle during the month, and a few other more practical little things. It all started on January 2nd, so you still have time to sign up for yourself and have each daily assignment sent directly to your inbox! For the first assignment, and more information, you can go here.
The first assignment was an inventory of sorts of all the little things that you need to get done around the house. I'm ashamed to admit that my list was a page and a half long. It includes everything from touching up some trim paint, and hanging some pictures, to finally painting the basement stairway. All things that are totally doable. So after January is finished I have a whole list of things to work on this year. I can't wait to start crossing things off that list!
Every year I promise myself that this new year will be different, and then a friend shared a link for another blog, Apartment Therapy . They are doing what they call "The January Cure". Basically every day during the month of January she assigns a project to complete to get the ball rolling on all those things that you were meaning to tackle during the month, and a few other more practical little things. It all started on January 2nd, so you still have time to sign up for yourself and have each daily assignment sent directly to your inbox! For the first assignment, and more information, you can go here.
The first assignment was an inventory of sorts of all the little things that you need to get done around the house. I'm ashamed to admit that my list was a page and a half long. It includes everything from touching up some trim paint, and hanging some pictures, to finally painting the basement stairway. All things that are totally doable. So after January is finished I have a whole list of things to work on this year. I can't wait to start crossing things off that list!
Sunday, December 22, 2013
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